Tuesday, July 31, 2018
Monday, July 23, 2018
Friday, July 13, 2018
where did I get this? Don't know but makes me cry
I never saw you but I know you.
I never touched you but I feel you.
I never met you but I miss you.
I know you're gone but I won't forget you.
I couldn't save you but I fought for you.
I am an animal defender and always will be.
I never touched you but I feel you.
I never met you but I miss you.
I know you're gone but I won't forget you.
I couldn't save you but I fought for you.
I am an animal defender and always will be.
Thursday, July 12, 2018
The lowdown (down low) on ADS
Disclaimer: This has been my experience with discontinuing an antidepressant (in my case, Effexor XR) that I was on-this time- for about four years. Since this was my second time weaning off the stuff, I had no idea this would happen. Mayhap the first time I hadn't been on it as long...? Don't know. This is now.
After spending the last couple years fatigued and unable to function in the morning, I decided to wean off Alprazolam. (Yes, xanax) So I did it on my own with knowledge of the process. I had used alprazolam for more than ten years but never more than .5 mg, usually at bedtime. My doctor was never on board with this (weaning off xanax) so after talking to him about it for the third time or so, I did it myself. Actually was pretty easy compared to Effexor XR (venlafaxine generic).
After being off alprazolam for a couple months and nothing much changed--still fatigued, slow mornings, blah blah, I decided it must be the Effexor. So I began weaning off it on May 9 without my doctor's knowledge. I followed the guidelines online advised by doctors. The first three weeks were okay then for the fourth week I had to get a week's worth of the 37.5 mg pills. So far, it wasn't bad. My dr was okay with it because well, it was my choice. Never once did he offer any advice, like mayhap I was doing it wrong.....hello?
Anyhow, after the last pill on June 6, I was expecting to wake up on June 7 feeling okay, at least okay. I should have lowered my expectations.
It wasn't bad: and I thought,"give it a couple more days". Within two days, it was way worse. My head felt like bobble head. I read they are called 'brain quivers'. I had nausea a lot along with that thing that goes with it. I felt spacey. Cried a LOT!! Finally I turned to technology. Yes, I went online to see what I could find. Turns out there is an entire thing called 'antidepressant discontinuation syndrome'. Whodathunk it! Not me! I found a lot of information that I wish I had found sooner.
Useful information that I found too late: at some point you are supposed to take those tiny little beads out of the capsule and take them in some way to continue weaning off. Or some such thing. I didn't pay much attention because I was already past that and had no more capsules. (Don't do this! check with your doctor!!)
Useful info that did help: Benadryl. It helped a lot. Plus meclizine was a great help with the nausea, which was random, at best.
Some people might have called their doctor right away with the weird symptoms seeming to persist. Not me. I'm patient plus I am retired. Laying around was okay because I EXPECTED it to go away soon. I knew I felt horrible because of this thing, ADS. I always say that I can deal with anything as long as I know it's temporary.
About three weeks in, after tapering off, I was still going through the emotional crap. I would get so angry. I would cry just watching baby videos, or reading something inocuous. (Still going through the crying thing-overwhelmed)
So I asked my doctor what I could do. Also let him know about the hard time I was having and he should keep that in mind for another patient. He knew!
He prescribed freaking Zoloft for a two-week period.....which I never picked up.
I am getting stronger. I am not on any prescribed meds except for Fosamax, which I always forget to take anyhow. I don't take Benadryl. That stuff is hard on the sinuses. Yeah. He had given me a script for Wellbutrin but I'm not going to start those. I had wanted to switch up antidepressants simply because I have a history of developing rare side effects after a few years on a med. Usually, somnolence. Yeah.
So, take that, Big Pharma! I quit you!! And I know that soon I will be back to my normal (?) self--melancholy! And when you know your nature and that it is not depression, you can deal.
After spending the last couple years fatigued and unable to function in the morning, I decided to wean off Alprazolam. (Yes, xanax) So I did it on my own with knowledge of the process. I had used alprazolam for more than ten years but never more than .5 mg, usually at bedtime. My doctor was never on board with this (weaning off xanax) so after talking to him about it for the third time or so, I did it myself. Actually was pretty easy compared to Effexor XR (venlafaxine generic).
After being off alprazolam for a couple months and nothing much changed--still fatigued, slow mornings, blah blah, I decided it must be the Effexor. So I began weaning off it on May 9 without my doctor's knowledge. I followed the guidelines online advised by doctors. The first three weeks were okay then for the fourth week I had to get a week's worth of the 37.5 mg pills. So far, it wasn't bad. My dr was okay with it because well, it was my choice. Never once did he offer any advice, like mayhap I was doing it wrong.....hello?
Anyhow, after the last pill on June 6, I was expecting to wake up on June 7 feeling okay, at least okay. I should have lowered my expectations.
It wasn't bad: and I thought,"give it a couple more days". Within two days, it was way worse. My head felt like bobble head. I read they are called 'brain quivers'. I had nausea a lot along with that thing that goes with it. I felt spacey. Cried a LOT!! Finally I turned to technology. Yes, I went online to see what I could find. Turns out there is an entire thing called 'antidepressant discontinuation syndrome'. Whodathunk it! Not me! I found a lot of information that I wish I had found sooner.
Useful information that I found too late: at some point you are supposed to take those tiny little beads out of the capsule and take them in some way to continue weaning off. Or some such thing. I didn't pay much attention because I was already past that and had no more capsules. (Don't do this! check with your doctor!!)
Useful info that did help: Benadryl. It helped a lot. Plus meclizine was a great help with the nausea, which was random, at best.
Some people might have called their doctor right away with the weird symptoms seeming to persist. Not me. I'm patient plus I am retired. Laying around was okay because I EXPECTED it to go away soon. I knew I felt horrible because of this thing, ADS. I always say that I can deal with anything as long as I know it's temporary.
About three weeks in, after tapering off, I was still going through the emotional crap. I would get so angry. I would cry just watching baby videos, or reading something inocuous. (Still going through the crying thing-overwhelmed)
So I asked my doctor what I could do. Also let him know about the hard time I was having and he should keep that in mind for another patient. He knew!
He prescribed freaking Zoloft for a two-week period.....which I never picked up.
I am getting stronger. I am not on any prescribed meds except for Fosamax, which I always forget to take anyhow. I don't take Benadryl. That stuff is hard on the sinuses. Yeah. He had given me a script for Wellbutrin but I'm not going to start those. I had wanted to switch up antidepressants simply because I have a history of developing rare side effects after a few years on a med. Usually, somnolence. Yeah.
So, take that, Big Pharma! I quit you!! And I know that soon I will be back to my normal (?) self--melancholy! And when you know your nature and that it is not depression, you can deal.
ANTIDEPRESSANT DISCONTINUATION SYNDROME
well, i know i need to get on this topic but i dont know where to start. but i will in the next few days.
Wednesday, July 11, 2018
Monday, July 9, 2018
Sunday, July 1, 2018
Friday, June 29, 2018
begin again
You took the right road and ended in the wrong place.
Begin again.
You reached the top of a mountain only to find yourself at the bottom of another.
Begin again.
You dotted every 'i' and forgot to cross your 't's.
Begin again.
You were at the wrong place at the wrong time and your life changed forever.
Begin again.
You loved hard and lost big.
Begin again.
You won the race but they gave 'first place' to someone else.
Begin again.
You followed your North Star and ended up at the South Pole.
Begin again.
~~~~from a bottle of some flavor of Philosophy Bath gel, circa 2000
Begin again.
You reached the top of a mountain only to find yourself at the bottom of another.
Begin again.
You dotted every 'i' and forgot to cross your 't's.
Begin again.
You were at the wrong place at the wrong time and your life changed forever.
Begin again.
You loved hard and lost big.
Begin again.
You won the race but they gave 'first place' to someone else.
Begin again.
You followed your North Star and ended up at the South Pole.
Begin again.
~~~~from a bottle of some flavor of Philosophy Bath gel, circa 2000
Thursday, June 21, 2018
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Intermittent fasting
So. I had a lap band installed in March 2010. I lost as much weight as I wanted to lose because I don’t care about being skinny. Then in July 2012 I had it removed. After that I lost 15 more pounds. I maintained that weight loss up until a year and a half ago. I have since gained about 20 pounds and I feel like it’s concrete, cement, Ugh.
This sounds like an excuse but it’s really a reason: my body is weak and I have a hard time with regular exercise. I have musculoskeletal issues and some other things. I do enjoy being in a pool and doing exercises; however I have a thing about public pools. Hmmm I know excuses excuses. I walked for about 8 to 10 years and that may be the reason why my bones are falling apart.
So. I heard about this intermittent fasting thing. You eat approximately eight hours of the day with in time sets, or as I call them parameters. And I thought, that could work for me. Because most of the time I don’t eat until noon and I don’t really eat a lot, although on some days yeah.
So I made the mistake of starting this a couple of weeks ago while in the throes of antidepressant discontinuation syndrome. (next blog) I set my times from between noon to 8 PM, or 11 AM to 7 PM or 10 AM to 6 PM. But then a couple of times I woke up hungry, or couldn’t get to sleep because I was hungry, so I would get up and have a light snack. Then of course, I felt like I had cheated! And I have a few more other excuses that I’m sure you can guess at. But the thing I think really messed me up was the antidepressant discontinuation syndrome, which I’m still going through, and it’s been two weeks. So I’m going to start it again because I really think the intermittent fasting can help me. It’s not like a diet where you have to follow, or count calories. You just live your life. You can throw in some exercise which I plan to do. I have a few dogs I can walk LOL
Anyhow I will be writing about it here from time to time. I really can’t stand these 20 pounds, it really feels like 50! Ciao
This sounds like an excuse but it’s really a reason: my body is weak and I have a hard time with regular exercise. I have musculoskeletal issues and some other things. I do enjoy being in a pool and doing exercises; however I have a thing about public pools. Hmmm I know excuses excuses. I walked for about 8 to 10 years and that may be the reason why my bones are falling apart.
So. I heard about this intermittent fasting thing. You eat approximately eight hours of the day with in time sets, or as I call them parameters. And I thought, that could work for me. Because most of the time I don’t eat until noon and I don’t really eat a lot, although on some days yeah.
So I made the mistake of starting this a couple of weeks ago while in the throes of antidepressant discontinuation syndrome. (next blog) I set my times from between noon to 8 PM, or 11 AM to 7 PM or 10 AM to 6 PM. But then a couple of times I woke up hungry, or couldn’t get to sleep because I was hungry, so I would get up and have a light snack. Then of course, I felt like I had cheated! And I have a few more other excuses that I’m sure you can guess at. But the thing I think really messed me up was the antidepressant discontinuation syndrome, which I’m still going through, and it’s been two weeks. So I’m going to start it again because I really think the intermittent fasting can help me. It’s not like a diet where you have to follow, or count calories. You just live your life. You can throw in some exercise which I plan to do. I have a few dogs I can walk LOL
Anyhow I will be writing about it here from time to time. I really can’t stand these 20 pounds, it really feels like 50! Ciao
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